Grinning Manically
by shourin
Summary: Funny jokes Naruto style. Third up: "Heaven... Heaven oh Heaven can't you help me". Featuring Naruto!
1. I'm a genie in a teapot, baby

Disclaimer: Neither Naruto nor the jokes are mine.

**Grinning Manically Series: "I'm a genie in a teapot, Baby..."**

One day, Naruto was walking along the Konoha village borders on a guarding duty and stumbled across an old dusty teapot. Filled with confusion, he picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie! A genie that looks like Shikamaru! It's a Shikamaru-genie!

"Wow, Shikamaru! That is so cool!" cheered Naruto excitedly.

Shikamaru the genie said, "Che, Mendokusai. I'm not Shikamaru. I am a genie - Genie of the teapot."

Naruto blinked stupidly at Shikamaru-genie for quite some time and then asked,

"So..., what are doing hiding in a teapot, Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru-genie sighed and closed his eyes - pretending to take a nap. But he knew that he couldn't sleep unless he's back in his sacred teapot, so begrudgingly, he explained,

"See, I am the genie of the teapot. You released me from the teapot, blah, blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes, not to mention, troublesome. So you can forget about getting three wishes. You only get one wish."

"A wish? Cool!" cheered Naruto excitedly. Apparently, he's very easy to please.

So Naruto sat down on the ground and thought about it for awhile. See, a normal, logical person might wish for another 3, heck, maybe 10 more wishes, but Naruto was a humble, simple boy. Therefore, after a while he said,

"I've always wanted to visit Gaara at Suna; but it was quite a distance and it took 3 days of running to reach there. Besides, I can't simply leave the village anytime I want to, and Gaara is the Kazekage - he can't leave his village either. Could you build me a bridge to Suna so that I can go over there to visit Gaara anytime I want to?"

The Shikamaru-genie closed his eyes and did the thinking pose. Then after a while, he opened his eyes and said,

"That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that - how long the bridge would take? Think of how much concrete... how much steel... the eco-system? And don't get me start on the countless papers and permits. Troublesome. No. Think of another wish."

Albeit a little bit disappointed, Naruto tried to think of another wish. Finally, after a while, he said,

"I've been trying to get a girlfriend for many times, but never succeed. Sakura always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So I wish that I could understand girls and women. Knows how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment... knows why they're crying, knows what they really want when they say, 'Nothing', knows how to make them truly happy..."

...and looked at Shikamaru-genie with his big blue hopeful eyes.

Shikamaru-genie then said, "So, you want that bridge two lanes or four?"

**End.**


	2. To sir, with love

Disclaimer: Neither Naruto nor the jokes are mine.

**Grinning Manically Series: "To Sir, With Love..."**

Two weeks ago was Morino Ibiki – the fearsome leader of the Konoha Terror and Interrogation Division – 44th birthday and he wasn't feeling too hot that morning. He went down to breakfast knowing his wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday" and probably have a present for him. But when he sat at the dining table, his wife didn't even say "Good Morning", let alone any "Happy Birthday." Morino Ibiki thought, "Well, that's wives for you. The children will remember. "

However, his children came down to breakfast and didn't say a word too.

When Morino Ibiki started to the Hokage tower he was feeling pretty low and despondent. As he walked into his office, his assistant Yamanaka Ino, the young, sexy, voluptuous, blonde bombshell said, "Good Morning, Ibiki-san, Happy Birthday."

He felt a little better. At least someone had remembered. He worked hard until noon, and then Ino suddenly knocked on his door and said,

"You know it is such a beautiful day outside and it is your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."

"By the 4th Hokage, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go," said Morino Ibiki, feeling glad.

So they went to lunch. They didn't go where they normally go. They went out into the village to a little private place. They had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, Ino smiled sweetly, her finger traced a little circle on his chest and said, "You know, it is such a beautiful day, we don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

See, Morino Ibiki was a seasoned expert in reading other people, and he knew that his pretty, young assistant was unmistakably flirting with him. Besides, today was his birthday, and he thought, as long as nobody knew, a little fooling around won't hurt him. Acting cool and suppressing his own excitement, Morino Ibiki said, "No, I guess not."

"Let's go to my apartment," suggested Ino, winking cheekily to him. Morino Ibiki thought for 2 seconds and said,

"Sure."

Upon arriving at her apartment, Ino with a flirty smile said, "Ibiki-san, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more... comfortable."

"Sure," he replied. He was thrilled. Ino then went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by his wife, children and dozens of their friends. They were all singing Happy Birthday, and there Morino Ibiki - the ever efficient, fearsome leader of the Konoha Terror and Interrogation Division sat on the couch...

...naked.

No words could fairly describe what happen next.

**End.**


	3. Heaven

Disclaimer: Neither Naruto nor the jokes are mine.

**Grinning Manically Series: "Heaven, Heaven oh Heaven can't you help me..."**

Kneeling beside the comfortable looking pink bed, Uzumaki Naruto closed his eyes and concentrated on reciting his prayer,

"Holy mother, full of grace,

Bless my girlfriend's gorgeous face,"

He then turned around and stole a peek at his girlfriend, sitting elegantly on a fluffy red beanbag behind him. Seeing her smiling face, he turned around again, closed his eyes, and continued reciting his prayer earnestly.

"Bless her hair her golden strand,

Keep her safe from all the men,

Bless her legs that are so long,

Keep her hands where they belong,

Bless her cunt, the one I sucked,

Bless the bed, in which we fucked,

And if her dad happened to walk in,

Bless the shit I'd be in."

Having finished his prayer beside the bed, Naruto opened his blue, blue eyes and turn around again, facing Yamanaka Ino - who was raising her perfectly shaped eyebrow.

Grinning cheekily, he said, "That's settled, Itadakimasu!"

**End.**

**A/N: God, i dunno what the hell happened, but it seems that I'm the only one who enjoyed writing and reading this. I probably doesn't have any sense of humor, or it's just that my attempts of rewriting these jokes were totally lame. I don't know. So to avoid any further embarrassment, these jokes stops here. **


End file.
